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28 October 2006 @ 08:07 am
 
Does anyone understand the rules about dating?
I'm seeing a guy who is fabulous but I personally am not ready to get married, does this mean that I still can't carry a relationship with him? Is there grey area that I can fit into with this?
 
 
 
crackacracked_halo on October 29th, 2006 10:16 pm (UTC)
What is your definition of dating?
It's my understanding that dating is strongly discouraged. Physical contact outside of marriage is haram. Being alone with a man is haram.
If you want to get to know someone, you should do so in public places, or with a third party to keep it innocent.
That is the Islamic stance that I know of. Marriage is encouraged, and usually it's done rather quickly.
But that isn't for everyone..
Wish I could offer you some kind of other answer, but as far as I know, dating is a no-no.
BTW, I'm assuming that the definition of dating you are drawing from is a relationship with intamacies with a member of the opposite sex.
Booger for cake on tablebigeyedphish on October 30th, 2006 08:24 pm (UTC)
Let me start off by saying I am not yet "officially" a Muslim, but this is one of those issues I have been trying to rectify with myself before I "commit" myself ot being a Muslim I guess you could say.

To my understanding, the main "purpose" I guess you could say, of the rules in Islam is to always remember to worship God and to show respect to everything around you (every person, every plant, every animal, etc) as it is a creation of God and to respect them is to respect God. To live your life as if it everything you do is a prayer to God.

The way I see it, the problem with dating is that there are numerous opportunities to lose that idea of respect, on both sides. Whether it be from outside pressure to have sex, to other influences forcing you (or your partner) to do something you are not comfortable with, etc. When this happens, thats when the problems arise, as you are no longer showing respect for them or for God. In my opinion, a good relationship should be based on love, respect, and friendship, therefore avoiding these problems.

I have a problem with what I suppose would be considered the traditional Islamic view that marriage should be done quickly without dating, simply because it seems that by skipping the dating process, it gets rid of these problems because you no longer have to worry about not being alone with them, etc. In a sense, it makes "dating" in the western sense, acceptable because you have that contract between the two of you. Then again I really don't know anyone who has experienced marriage in this Islamic way, so I could be incredibly wrong. I'm just an outsider.

I feel if I was in your position, I just couldn't justify breaking up with a fabulous guy who, maybe not now, but potentially in the future might make a fabulous mate, simply because of the Islamic stance on it. If love and respect are held in high esteem in your relationship, then I really don't see what the problem is.

Booger for cake on tablebigeyedphish on October 30th, 2006 09:22 pm (UTC)
I should add, I mean no disrespect do those who choose to follow the rule that dating is not allowed. This is simply the way I see it and the way I personally believe is acceptable.
dance_inmisery on December 31st, 2006 07:38 pm (UTC)
im muslim, and ive studied it for years, i can answer this for you and i will, just not right now coz im kinda blah at the moment but i just ran across this post. ill probably get to this tonight or tomorrow, just reply to the comment so that i get a reminder
Shippwreckedbodea on April 22nd, 2007 06:13 pm (UTC)
Marriage does not have to be done quickly without getting to know the other party. That is the purpose of a Wali. When a man and women come together in that sense, it should be with the intention of getting married. Dating is forbidden for many reasons, some of which have already been mentioned. If we understand and practice purdah, then of course (in the western sense) dating can not be done. However, if you are interested in someone, you can go on an outing with them provided both parties have a Wali. This is my understanding (after studying, talking with the Imam, and seeign both sisters go through the process). I don't mean to offend, but if your guy is fabulous and you Islam is somethign thats important to you; somethign that you can't comprimise on - then I'm sure that fabulous guy wont mind a Wali.
advoislam on December 30th, 2010 09:39 pm (UTC)
In Islam dating is unacceptable.

If you are not ready to get married than there is no reason to have a relationship with him. There is no gray area.